We all dread being on the receiving end of complaints. Complaints are inherently bad; it’s in the definition. From Dictionary.com: a complaint is an expression of discontent, regret, pain, censure, resentment, or grief; lament; faultfinding. Use it in a sentence and what comes to mind … I plan to lodge a formal complaint.
But why? Why are you lodging a formal complaint? Why are you complaining?
Perhaps you are indeed looking for a situation to be remedied. In that case, you are seeking a change or solution. If you seek remedy, as in, you got a sandwich with mayo when you specifically asked for one without (because you do not like even being in the same general vicinity as mayo), then wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that you are going to ask for the correct sandwich? You could choose to complain, whine and yell at someone about your mayo intolerance having been violated, or, if you actually sought a sandwich without mayo, you could simply ask for that directly and skip the berating of the person who incorrectly served it to you. This could be called remedying a situation, correcting a mistake or seeking an alternative action/item.
Alternatively, maybe you want something you cannot have. You may want an airplane to fly to Minneapolis in a snow storm tonight, preferably right now at this very second. However, it has been determined — by someone other than the gate agent standing in front of you — that the airplane you see will not be flying to Minneapolis in a snow storm tonight, and neither will you. We’ve all witnessed it and maybe even been there a time or two ourselves — the airport-induced adult version of the hissy fit that these situations tend to bring out. And although the lack of flying taking place isn’t the gate agent’s fault, they are likely to feel the unleashed wrath of said hissy fit.
But why? What is the goal in complaining to the gate agent who almost certainly does not control the fate of this aircraft tonight (or on any other night)? Why are you complaining?
Will yelling at, pointing at or otherwise expressing your discontent at the gate agent make the plane fly? What will expressing your discontent, pain, regret or resentment get you? Not onto the airplane and into the air, that’s for sure. Yes, it might get you connected to someone higher up or in customer service to try to make you stop complaining, perhaps by offering you a token gift of miles and/or a better seat when the snow storm lets up tomorrow. But is that what you wanted? I thought you wanted to fly to Minneapolis, which you did not do regardless.
Perhaps you are seeking some form of restitution. You want miles, a hotel room or an apology. Indeed, you may be entitled to such things, assuming you have not yet embarrassed yourself in a YouTube worthy scene. But complaining is highly unlikely to be the only path forward here. And it is seldom going to be the most pleasant path forward for the complainer nor the complainee. You could ask for a hotel room or the airline miles. You could express your discontent at the situation if you really must; but, is there really any doubt that your stranded-at-the-gate self is actually angry at this outcome? Nope. We all know you’re unhappy. We’re unhappy too.
So, what is the point of complaining? Are you actually trying to improve your situation? Or are you actually worsening your situation (worst case) or extending the amount of time you can wallow in it (best case)? Ask yourself — what do you want from the action you are about to undertake?
As professionals, we have all faced the situation when there is nothing more that we can do. We don’t control the weather, we made a mistake and cannot go back in time to fix it or maybe we simply screwed up and we don’t have any idea how or why. In all of these cases, you are aware that it is not good. Does someone complaining make you want to fix it more or less? Usually less.
Ask yourself before you set off to complain — what is my goal here? What am I actually hoping to get from this situation? If you want something, ask for it. If you just want to be upset, be upset. If you just want to be upset and make other people upset too, knock it off. It’s not productive, and it’s embarrassing. It’s fine to be frustrated, upset and angry when things don’t go your way. It’s March 2021 … we’re all at an entire year under pandemic COVID-19 conditions and the Christmas ornament of 2020 was a roll of toilet paper, which gives you an idea of how the last 12 months have gone. In my office, we’ve adopted the phrase “Frustrated, but Pleasant” as the pandemic office mantra. Are we frustrated when plans change again (and again)? Yes. Does complaining help? Nope. We’re “Frustrated, but Pleasant”. What’s your mantra?
ConsumerCorner.2021.Letter.09
